Loss
The greatest pain a parent can experience is the loss of a child. When we lost our son in 2021, our world crashed. It impacts everything. The sanctity of your marriage, your friendships, your faith in G-d, your performance at work and it becomes a crash course in emotional whiplash. At times, some question their own desire to live and the pain and loss wreck with your head every day. May you never know from it. To be truthful, it gets easier, but it never goes away. The hole in your heart just stays there and at times it opens up like a wellspring. Visiting my friend Rob this morning (see previous journal) and sitting with him while he discussed the loss of his 21-year-old son, Binyamin Airley, at the hands of a Hamas terrorist brought him into what my friend Chris calls the “shi – – iest club in the world.” At 4:20 PM on Shabbos afternoon, soldiers came to Rob’s house. He knew why they were there before they said anything at all.
Since losing our son, my wife and I have tried to visit other parents that have lost their children. When a family is sitting “shiva” (the Jewish mourning period), they receive visitors in their home for one week. It is meant to provide comfort to the family, but I found the whole process overwhelming and the stares of everyone when they come to your home and don’t know what to say are painful. None of us can walk in another’s shoes, but we try to bring some level of comfort to those that have lost a child. We have friends that have lost children to suicide, to physical illness, to a plane crash, to a car crash and of course…..to war. We cannot possibly visit all of the families that have lost children, but we will attempt to bring hope and comfort to those that have been through what is a horrible ordeal.
My tears flowed while I was with Rob. He spoke eloquently about his son, and his pain was palpable. I was the last one to leave before the family took a break to have some “alone time” for an hour. Shiva can be emotionally exhausting. I knelt down and whispered to him, but the words would not come. Tears came instead, and he knew what I needed and wanted to say.
Before my son passed, he was missing for a few days. Not knowing where he was, what he was going through was the most horrible experience ever. We had two mediums contact us (one from our village and one from California) that definitively knew where he was….or so they said. While I don’t believe in mediums, when your child is missing, you will hold on to anything. Any hope. Any glimmer. Both proved to be wrong. I cannot imagine what the families of the hostages are feeling. I cannot imagine what the children are feeling: https://media.bringthemhomenow.net/media/Children%27s+Day+-+We+asked+children+from+around+the+world+what+their+biggest+fear+is/1_krxlx4rv/320287072.
I ask myself if it is better that some families know what transpired but perhaps not. While you may not have time to watch this entire clip, the beginning is moving, and the end is full of horror. After the 11:00 minute mark a reporter from Europe speaks about what he saw: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JnGTzx4N6z4. The worst kind of torture. Women being raped, having their breasts cut off and then being shot in the head. It is so awful to imagine that I find myself asking if I should even write these words. However, with all of the distortion in the media today it is important that we share the truth and understand this enemy that covets death and worships torture.
While I imagine some of you will stop reading my journal after seeing my next comments, I must tell you what really scares me. Discussions are that later today (I am not sure when you will see this Journal) the Israeli government may announce an exchange: One Israeli child that was taken hostage in exchange for three Palestinian prisoners. I will go on record as saying I am opposed to this. When Hamas released Gilad Shalit for 1,027 Palestinian prisoners (all of whom were terrorists, many of whom were murderers) in 2011, we unleased this attack that took place when Hamas invaded Israel on October 7th. Most of us know by now that many of the people exchanged for Shalit were involved in the October 7th carnage. I was not in favor of that exchange either. Yes, I talk all the time about the hostages and the poor children that are being held in Gaza. However, if all we do is put more terrorists back on the street, what will it have accomplished? If there is another attack, then what? If we release more terrorists, are we not endangering even more children? The Israeli government failed its citizens on October 7th and we have been paying the price for 45 days. Yes, I cry for these children and for all of the hostages, but this is not an exchange I can support. I have no idea if I am in the minority or the majority, nor do I care. What I know is we cannot continue to go through prisoner exchanges which result in missiles on our heads every few years.
What will the world say if this happens? “Oh look, Hamas released the children. They have compassion. Israel must have a permanent cease fire and must leave Gaza once again.” No, no and no. Hamas is not compassionate. They are rapists, murderers, hostage takers, abusers and they care about no cause and no people, not even their own. Israel has a job to finish, and that means eradicating Gaza and the Palestinian Territories of Hamas. Plain and simple. Some may ask, “How can you say this? What if it were your child?” These are valid and fair questions. I am a man. I am not perfect, far from it. I am not a politician. I am not a member of the clergy, and I am not a soldier. I am merely a simple man trying to help people across this country. People that have suffered. People that have been through enough. We know people that came here from places like the Ukraine, Ethiopia and even Yemen. They came here for a better life, to escape war. What will the release of Palestinian terrorists bring us? How will we explain these decisions in ten years when the next group of soldiers has to go in to save families that have been victimized? 28 towns in the north have been emptied of their population due to Hezbollah and dozens of villages in the south are empty due to Hamas. These include cities such as Sderot and Ofakim. We cannot squeeze our entire population into Tel Aviv.
You may read this and feel the beginning of my Journal today contradicts the end. I talk about the pain of losing a child and then I say I do not support this particular exchange. The truth is I don’t claim to have the answer. As I said before, I am just a man. However, we must think of all of the soldiers now putting their lives on the line, and we must ensure we are never in this position again. It is not fair to us, it is not fair to the hostages, it is not fair to the soldiers, and it is not fair to this nation.
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God bless you!
David
David at People for Israel
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Since October 7, 2023
